defeat

you know that feeling - when you're playing a game [and losing] and it takes everything you have not to get frustrated and quit? when that desire to continue to try and win even though failure is imminent dissappears? when motivation is lost and encouraging words like 'it's okay, just play anyway, it will still be fun' just make it worse?

(or am I the only one who is slightly competetive and has this problem?)

i will admit, i usually don't have this problem when it comes to games.

I LOVE GAMES! i can play for hours and enjoy every minute. [this feeling has only happened on a couple of occasions...two player games, like risk, where total domination is the goal and the defeat feels personal.]

okay, so to be totally honest...i am feeling the defeat now. it's hard and i'm trying to fight it, but it is beating down. the game - weightloss. my competitors - a dear friend and my ever present fat. yvonne is killing it! she is doing awesome and i am so proud of her!! at one point we were neck and neck, but now she is so far ahead there is no way i can catch her in the next three weeks. and that's okay, she wins, i can deal.

the hard part, you ask? ME. my so-called, can't kick it addiction to soda, my laziness. excuses. it's so easy to say 'oh well'. so simple to say i'll do better tomorrow [and not]. it's just plain hard to get in the darn routine and stick with it. and i feel like my unmotivated half is taking over the the half that really, REALLY wants to be healthy, and skinny and win!

so what to do.

just like everything else - remember that i can't do it in my own power. when i start to think me, me, me, me, me; things will fall apart. Only God can provide the strength for me to reach this goal.

eat less. drink water.

keep on, keeping on.

don't quit.

listen to the motivation. be encouraged by it.

be thankful for the ability to change.